Monday, December 29, 2003

A day of thrivership

Shalom again from Jerusalem (where it is now 4:45 pm). This may be the last time I get to say that for a while, for I leave tomorrow morning to return to Midwesternville. :-(

Today feels like a day of much thrivership and thinking about my story, my healing and this journey I am on. Why today? This morning, N came over to the apaprtment where I am staying (still with C, an awesome hostess) with her camera equipment and she did some follow-up interviewing, particularly focused on memory. She asked me about what I remember, how I remember it, if I doubt my memories and if I could share some memories with her. I expected all these questions, because she sent me an email in order that I could prepare.

I spent some time over the past few days thinking and preparing and thought I was ready to talk about memory issues in general as well as some specific memories. While sharing with her the detail of my first incest memory (age 2 and a half) I felt the acute presence of the emotional pain, heartache and sadness of the experience. I felt it in my mind and my body - from the pit of my stomach to the sound of my voice. I haven't felt that way in a while. The feelings are good and appropriate and the fact that they match what I am doing is all good. (For many years of my life I didn't have feelings when things happened, a coping mechanism I learned as a kid when I got in trouble for crying or being otherwise emotional.)

Talking about my struggles with memory along with the belief in the memories I have (which by the way are increasing) helped me put some order to my current processing. (By the way, my memory problems are largely PTSD related and I find them somewhat frustrating.)

During the interview with N, we spoke of her story and situation. She gave me the opportunity to offer her some thoughts and perspective based on my story. It makes me feel good when the healing (and the pain) that I have gone through may help someone else.

Then, this afternoon I got another dose of thrivership. I met with A, an Israeli woman and courageous survivor of incest by her father and cousin. A is in the process of writing a book about Jewish women and men who are victims or survivors of incest. The format is testimonial rather than didactic. If you are interested in having your story included please email me and I will give you her information.

It occurs to me as I type this, that A is one of the few Jewish Women I know who is a survivor working on her healing. I know of other women, but I don't feel the connection I have begun to feel with her. Thank you, A, for your time and I look forward to writing for your book.

So, as you might have realized by now, it has been an intense yet healing and activist day. I hope that your day is also going well.

Your sister survivor/thriver,
Leah

Sunday, December 28, 2003

New Resource

Hello again from Israel (it is 4:14 pm Jerusalem time as I write). In this post I mentioned that would be visiting the Association for Rape Crisis Centers in Israel. Well, N and I went there together and had an enjoyable couple of hours. In fact, I may become the webmaster for the site they are developing! In Hebrew!!! Doing so will certainly push my Hebrew to a higher level, which is a good bonus for the volunteering. I will be going back there tomorrow to meet with another incest survivor who is writing a book in Hebrew of people's testimonies.

While at the office, I learned of a new site - one which is amazing, but all in Hebrew. Take a look at it, it is called Macom (or place).

Wishing you a day of thirvership,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

PS - It is very exciting to be participating in activist work in Israel as well as in the states.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

A serious crisis of gang rape in France

(From Jerusalem, 12:23 am local time, Sunday, December 28, 2003)

Hi. This post covers two things which I learned about from N - thanks girl!

1) France has a huge gang rape problem across their society. Read about it and a courageous women who is speaking out in this Time magazine article.

2) Here is a new resource on the Kobe Bryant case - it covers what to do and say when people ask you about it. Also, please remember to go to We Believe Her.

Leah

Antisemitism in a time of tragedy

A great tragedy has occurred in the world with the horrible earthquake in Bam, Iran. Rescue teams from many countries have sent their specialized teams who are gifted in finding people in rubble, using human power, technology and sniffer dogs. All the countries of the world are welcome and encouraged to help except, guess who? Israel. It seems that the government of Iran is more interested in hating Israel, which they call the "Zionist regime" (a moniker itself filled with hate and disdain), than helping their own suffering people. (For the full story go to the Ha'aretz article) Can you imagine? They are willing to let more of their people die than accept help from Israel. (By the way, Israel has sent rescue teams to many disasters, including earthquakes in Turkey and Sept. 11 in New York.) It is so sad when hatred costs lives.

Leah

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Safe now in Jerusalem

Here comes another quick update. Today, I spent the day in Tel Aviv and Petach Tikvah. Initially I was going to be filmed by N for a follow-up to the thanksgiving filming; then go to a meeting about helping to set up a website for a Rape Crisis center in Israel and then go to a friend's home for dinner and candle lighting with her, her husband and her 5 kids. The meeting was cancelled because of the host's child being ill, N was also "under the weather" so we sat and talked instead of filming and then I went to Petach Tikvah where the friends live.

Yes, that's right - Petach Tikvah - where the terroist attack/murderous bombing took place today. On my way to my friend's home I passed in front of the very bus stops which were bombed (about 3.5 hours before it happened.) The husband (of my friend) was so close to the bombing that he could hear/feel it, but he is okay. We heard many, many sirens. As of this writing, 4 Israelis were killed and many injured, some quite severly. If you would like to read about the attack, go to this Ha'aretz article in English or this Ha'aretz article in Hebrew.

Well, I'm off to get some rest and calm down before trying to go to bed tonight. I have another 5/5:30 am day tomorrow, so I'll need that rest.

Wishing you a good holiday (whatever you might be celebrating) and a Shabbat Shalom to my Jewish friends. May this sabbath be one of peace for us in Israel and for all in the world.

Your safe but shaken sister survivor,
Leah

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Quick bit about my day

Hi. It's late (11:48 pm) and I have to be up around 6:30 am. Today I did some more volunteering at Rabbis for Human Rights, went to an awesome workshop on a tallit (prayer shawl) and then put the fringes on a lovely piece of lace fabric. After the workshop I went to a protest on the economic policy here, then had dinner with C and her friend V and then came back to the apartment to finish the tallit, do some laundry and now go to bed.

Until next time,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Today's events

Good evening. It's 9:15 pm in Israel as I write. I'm sitting in C's apartment, watching the last flickers of the shamash of her hanukkiyah flicker out. All of the candles in my hanukkiyah have already gone out. (A hanukkiyah is a Hanukkah menorah - a candelabra in which we light candles for each of the 8 nights of Hanukkah. We light one for each night + a "leader" candle, or shamash that lights the rest. If you want more info about Hanukkah, go to http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/Hanukkah.htm).

In the background, I am watching Sky News (a British channel) and getting their view of the world. (C has cable, broadband internet and is an awesome and very very generous host! Lucky me!)

Today I visited a family I know who live in Ashdod, Israel. To see where that is on the map of Israel, look on the Mediterranean coast south of Tel Aviv. They were very kind and sweet to me (as are many Israelis - hospitality is part of the culture here). As an aside, I know that some of you have heard that Israelis are abrupt, tough and sometimes rude by American standards. True, but Israelis are like the sabra fruit (a cactus), tough and prickly on the exterior but soft and sweet on the inside. So, back to the family in Ashdod. They picked me up at the bus station there (It is pretty safe to ride the buses between cities - much safer than buses in the cities - there is as much security to get into the Central Bus Station in Jerusalem as there was when I got on my flight in Midwesternville to fly to New York and connect to Tel Aviv.) and then we went to their home in a neighborhood called Gan Yavneh which is about a 5-8 minute drive outside of Ashdod. They have a lovely home with front and back yard where they have a lemon tree, a pomegranate tree and some other trees. The grandma in the family and I chatted and then the kids came and said hello (14-year-old boy and 6-year-old girl) and the girl put on some music and danced for us. Very cute. The mom and the son prepared a sumptuous lunch of two salads (carrot & cabbage and also Israeli salad which is cucumber and tomato) (the veges here are so amazing - much more flavorable than any in the states unless you grown your own), cheese bourekas and mushroom bourekas (a savory pastry that are yummy), onion blinzes/crepes, avocado, fresh bread and salmon. Are you stuffed just reading? Salivating yet? It was topped of with a delicious fruit tea and cake and fresh dates. Yummy yummy. Wow. We then watched a CD of pictures of the family over the years. Nice.

Then, we went to walk by the Mediterranean Sea. The sea shone with the sun's reflection - bouncing the radiant blue sky polka-dotted with a few clouds. Before us lay a carpet of rich blues hemmed by white foam along the tan beach and a ribbon of ships along the horizon. From the corner of our eyes, we sensed movement and saw three men stripping to their boxers, preparing to swim (mind you the air temp was about 50 and the water about 60) - brrr. After gazing at the swells and the ships we walked along a park path and saw a memorial to the Sturma (read the story of the Sturma here) along with a number of beautiful statues, trees and flowers.

She then took me to the Ashdod Central Bus Station where I went through security and then purchased a ticket and waited with my two hostesses (the kids were by then doing their own things) for the bus. Here is an interesting tidbit about buses in Israel - you can pay the driver and get change back. Can you imagine a US bus/subway/train person making change for you as you board? Didn't think so. I rode the bus back to Jerusalem - a gorgeous drive through the farm-rich coastal plain up through the foothills and into Jerusalem.

Upon arriving again at the Central Bus Station and going through security to get from the bus back into the station, I spoke with a pharrmacist at an Israeli chain called "Super Pharm" to get some cold remedies and then I helped out the Israeli economy a bit with some purchases. The mall within the Bus Station was having a big party for Hanukkah with activities for kids, tarot readings, book tables, and costumed performers some of whom were distributing sufganiot (a filled donut that is one of the traditional foods for Hanukkah). It was so fun to see that atmosphere for Hanukkah and not Christmas (no offense to you who celebrate Christmas, I just don't see people in the states (especially the Midwest) do it for Hanukkah, mostly done for Christmas. It was fun.

I then walked back to the apartment, stopping along the way for some errands. Upon returning here, I talked with C, lit candles and made dinner. Now I'm talking with you.

Tomorrow promises to be a full and interesting day - more office volunteer work for Rabbis for Human Rights (http://rhr.israel.net/overview.shtml), a tallis-making workshop with one of my favorite creative Jewish ritual writers and a demonstration against the economic policy of the State of Israel (which is taking money out of the mouths of children to put it in the pockets of the rich - sound familiar?).

Well, this is long enough already and I need to do some other stuff, so I'll sign off for now.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Monday, December 22, 2003

New Link

Hello again from Jerusalem. Through Disproportionately Disillusioned I found New York Confidential, a website about being a child abuse investigator.

Check it out!

Day 8 of Israel

Hi. I can't believe I've already been here a week and that I only have a week to go. (That last part makes me quite sad.) I hope to post later tonight (it is noon on Monday 12/22 as I write) and fill you in on I'll I've done, but I just want to share with you what a great day I'm having.

This morning, N (who stayed with me at C's apartment in Jerusalem last night) and I got up before dawn and walked into the center of town (from Talbieye in Jerusalem if you happen to know where that is) to do some filming for the movie she is making about when she was raped in Israel and the aftermath. Jerusalem was quiet and freezing cold (there is a damp wind here which cuts through) peaceful and she feels like she got alot done. We also went into the old city and did some general filming around and at the wailing wall. With all of the walking, it feels like a full day already, yet we are both energized and excited to film a follow-up phone call to her rapist (she confronted him last week), to go to lunch at the cafe where the confrontation happened (a victory lunch) and then go to Jerusalem's rape crisis center. (I'll add a link later when I know it.)

N is very courageous to be making a documentary of her experience. I think that the process has been very good for her and is a nice step in her healing (rape was three and a half years ago).

I'm also enjoying the blossoming friendship between N and I.

Well, she has set up her film equipment for the phone call so I need to go. More later. (N who is standing here as I type, says hi to all.)

(btw - if you want to see another post about N, go to this post.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Friday, December 19, 2003

Hag Urim Sameach (Happy Hanukkah)

Good morning (7 am on 12/19 here in Israel when this is posted).

Just a short note to wish all of you (who are Jewish or live with someone who is) a Hag Urim Sameach - a Happy Hanukkah.

May the lights of Hanukkah brighten your world physically and spiritually.
May they inspire you to stamp out the darkness of opression, hatred, abuse,
war and discrimination.

Leah

Thursday, December 18, 2003

New Survivor Blog

Mike posted today about a powerful and moving new blog called Disproportionately Disillusioned. Go check it out and read her moving and emotional story.

Welcome to the survivor blog support network,
You sister suvivor.

PS - Today (12/18) was day 4 of Israel (counting the day I arrived when I just hung out with my friend C) and I am already up to 24 hours volunteering! I'm having a great time being back in Jerusalem, speaking Hebrew and walking the streets of a home that I love.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Tom Tomorrow on Finding Hussein

Tom Tomorrow puts a funny yet realistic flavor on reactions to finding Sadaam.

Regarding the Capture of Saddam Hussein

Like many, I wonder what the recent capture of Saddam will come to mean. While blogging tonight (it's 9pm in Israel on Tuesday as I type this) I came across this article on it, which seems to make a lot of sense to me.

My First Full Day in Israel

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 - 7:14 pm Israel time

Shalom. Typing on C's computer (A gracious host who lets me use her computer and broadband and everything else - I'm staying here both weeks. Such a nice woman.) and listening to an evening news analysis program (debate between 6 people) in Hebrew (with all of the Hebrew commercials and etc) I smile - I'm really here. It wasn't just a dream.

Today was my first day volunteering for Rabbis for Human Rights. I spent today (as well as most of tomorrow) helping them prepare for their upcoming Annual Meeting. I am now quite familiar with their copier :-). The joys of volunteer work. Actually, as mundane as the work is, I enjoyed being in the office, hearing Hebrew spoken and participating in the amazing work which they do. Take a look at their site for a bit about it. Basically, the courageous people there work for the Human Rights of all, for individual and - more significantly - government and military actions which respect the part of us which is created in the Divine Image.

After a 7 hour "work" day, I walked to the center of Jerusalem. The walk brought back so many memories (where I am staying and volunteering are in the same neighborhood I lived in when I spent a year in Israel.) Each street, building and area I passed touched on my days here - many many good memories of a great (although not easy) time in my life. It's hard for me to describe the feeling here. There is a magic to Israel and a magic to Jerusalem. The hills (very very old mountains) of Jerusalem are covered with trees and buildings made of Jerusalem stone, a form of sandstone. Because all the buildings are built of the same material, there is a uniformity to the eye, and more significantly for me, a city which glows from home to home, business to business - especially at sunrise and sunset. As a Jew, there is also a magic here of being in a place where Jews live together and are in the majority. Here, the average person looks somewhat like me, or could be a distant relative. Here, I am not constantly reminded that I live in the US - a country with the blessings of religious freedoms - a country which is increasingly institutionally embracing Christianity. I love America, this is just a different experience.

Tonight I ate in my favorite restaurant in Jerusalem - a totally vegetarian (and very affordable) place with an awesome salad bar, delicious soups and a large variety of hot vegetarian entrees and sides. Yum yum yum. How nice it was to eat there again (even though it moved down the street since I was last there).

Well, I have probably rambled enough.
Time to sign off,
L'hitraot,
Leah

Good morning from Israel!

Shalom haverim! (Hello, friends),

I write you from C's apartment in Jerusalem! Yipeee. It is so great to finally be here, to have had a decent night's sleep and now to beginning my first full day here.

Will write more later,
Leah

Good morning from Israel!

Shalom haverim! (Hello, friends),

I write you from C's apartment in Jerusalem! Yipeee. It is so great to finally be here, to have had a decent night's sleep and now to beginning my first full day here.

Will write more later,
Leah

Friday, December 12, 2003

Shabbat Shalom

Hello. Ahhh, shabbat has come at last. It was nice to be at services tonight.

Less than 2 days to Israel!! Hooray!!! I am sooo excited. Tons and tons to do, but excited nonetheless.

I'll keep you posted if I have internet access while there.

Leah

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Political Cartoon

I laughed aloud at the latest Tom Tomorrow cartoon. Go take a look.

Interesting family development

Hello. Well, it has now been a few days since we buried my grandfather. My "father" and sister have left Midwestville (my "father" left for a meeting and will return here before he and my mother go home) and now its just my mother (here until Saturday), aunt and me. My aunt has never been a pleasant person. She has never been one to compromise, negotiate or see anything beyond extremes of right and wrong.

Now, she is trying to force my grandmother to stay in her huge and falling-apart home rather than slowly begin the process of moving into an independent living apartment (with meals and activities and neighbors and etc) in a seniors highrise. My grandmother has been wanting this move for years and years. So, why doesn't my aunt want to let it happen - who knows what is going on in her head? Probably she doesn't want to see her leave the home that my aunt lived in from age 8 on and she (aunt) doesn't want to have to deal with all of her things that are filling up that house. It has also been a free place for her to do laundry, have a meal that my grandmother cooks and cleans up after etc etc.....

Lest you think that my aunt is a young woman just getting her start in the world, be assured, she is not. She is 55 years old!!!

Dear auntie has been inciting my grandmother against my mother and my sister and is causing lots of trouble (won't help find the will, won't let my grandmother make an appointment with the lawyer and etc.)

What a screwed up woman.
What a screwed up family.

There is one decent spot in all of this. My parents and my sister did not show any big ugly signs of the attention between us. Everyone actually behaved like adults for the most part. Shocking.

Well, it is now 4 yes 4 :-) days until I leave for Israel and I have tons to do, so I will go.

Your sister survivor,
Leah

Monday, December 08, 2003

Family update

Hi. Just a quick note to let you know how things went at the funeral yesterday. I think we accomplished a respectful and caring farewell for my grandfather.

The family behaved relatively well, no starting any fights. (Thank goodness!)
Thanks for the support and encouragement.

Leah

Saturday, December 06, 2003

Gathering of the Family

Hi. Thanks for the condolences which some of you left below. Tonight, all of the family (meaning my grandmother, aunt, mother, father and sister) gathered at my grandmother's house to meet with the rabbi who will do the funeral. It was very interesting to pay attention to who answered his questions and how they were answered. Quite revealing, actually, of our family and the dynamics in it.

My sister arrived in town today (parents came in yesterday - Friday) and from the moment she arrived, she has barely said anything to me - only when I said hi and asked her about the flight and only when I asked her if I could get her anything from the kitchen. I have been spending much of the last days helping my grandmother, which I know she appreciates. When my sister (or, as I have been thinking of her today, "the queen") arrived, she did not do one bit to help. Well, to be fair, she did help my father with something that he reluctantly did for my grandmother. She only helped when asked and then reluctantly. Interesting. I'll be curious to see if her daggers will continue for me tomorrow and if she confronts me about my not joining her for thanksgiving.

Well, I have other things to do and tomorrow will be a very long day, so I sign off,
Your sister survivor,
Leah

Israel count down = 8 days! Hooray! (My grandmother told me today that she insists that I go.)

Friday, December 05, 2003

Interesting Family Days Ahead

Well, the coming days should be very interseting. Why, you ask? Well, sadly, this afternoon (Thursday) my grandfather died. Fortunately, I was able to get to the hospital to be there for my grandmother within a realatively short time of his passing. She is a very special lady, who has endured a lot in her life. So, the family are all coming tinto town for the funeral. Hopefully everyone will be appropriate and not cause trouble. Hmmm. We'll see.

From a sad sister survivor,
Leah

Monday, December 01, 2003

Home again

Hi. I'm sitting at the computer with a purring ball of gray and white fuzz on my lap. It is great to be home and to see the kitty again (even though he did get into some things while I was away - - ahem. Oh well, I guess he is entitled, after all I was gone for 5 and a half days.). He's so funny. When I come home from travelling, he spends the first few hours walking around the apartment meowing in a conversational way. He doesn't do this normally, and I wonder if he is either chastizing me for being gone, telling me how happy he is to see me (as he does with constant cheek rubs and sticking close by) or telling me what went on while I was away. Pets are wonderful things.

So. Here I am, facing tons of work and catch-up, so I should go.

Leah

Israel count-down 13 days!